025, 026: Books I'm Reading

The two books I'm in the middle of right now:

All That Remains: A Memoir by the Minimalists by Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. Interesting to be so intimate with one person's journey through minimalism. There is a lot that resonates, and a lot to think about.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling. I'm listening to this, actually. Jim Dale is absolutely a genius as a voice actor. I've been listening to the series for 8 or so months because it's really freaking long when in audio format, and I am so entertained by Dale's presentation. The stories are getting old and are all about the same, and Harry's whinging is almost unendurable, but I'm going to miss the Potter World that Rowling crafts and the people Dale brings to life in the books when I'm finally done.

And I've been doing some drawing in my sketchbook as I listen- because I finally have a some time to sit and do it!

022,023,024: Value

I just finished reading Minimalism: Live  Meaningful Life by Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus this morning before coming into the studio. It was a quick read, and while at first I was unimpressed, by the end of the book I realized I had gotten a lot to think about.

One of the ideas they come back to frequently is "How does this add value to my life?" Too often, we're all caught up with actions that we feel we should do, others expect us to do, or habits we've gotten into without thinking about, and we find ourselves filling time in ways that don't actually contribute value to our lives. We only have a limited time here and now, and spending time doing unfulfilling or useless things isn't worthwhile.

Documenting my little life experiments here doesn't add value to me. I have found that I feel better if I'm actually working toward change, rather than writing about it. I have tried blogging many times over the years, and it just never resonates with me. It's work, and it's work that I don't end up enjoying. I spend too much time thinking about the next blog post, and not enough time doing actual work that benefits me or my life.

As an extremely analytical person who likes to feel like I'm working toward a goal, I am going to try to spend one more week here sharing some of the thoughts I have and books I've read. But mostly, this is so I can feel like this was a 30-day project I completed. My Minimal Shopping Ban and my Mornings in My Studio projects are going to continue, but right now, writing about anything is taking time away from the more valuable things I want to be doing. This is actually a really good thing for me to finally acknowledge.

021: I Made a Blanket

One of the points of cleaning out my studio is to actually complete projects that are important to me, instead of just storing partially done ones, or storing the materials for projects that I'll never get around to. As I cleaned out fabrics, I came across several yards of a fabric I bought years ago at a local quilting store that's no longer in business (I think I must have paid $75+ for it and it sat in a container until last summer when I finally used a little of it), and my Grandpa's wool. U.S. Navy blanket. I think I originally planned to use the quilting fabric to make a bedspread, and I never really had a use for the wool blanket, but it was in my fabric instead of in the linen closet, where it might have ended up being used as an actual blanket. I combined the two, and voila! I have a warm blanket that preserves some history on one side, and is not scratchy and very beautiful on the other side. 

(I didn't take a photo because of reasons I'll probably go into at some point, mostly having to do with asking myself what my purpose was in blogging in the first place. The amount of time it takes to photograph something decently and write a few sentences about it is rapidly becoming less and less interesting to me. I'd rather just make something and move on to making something else or spending my time in other, more valuable ways.)

019, 020: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I had some extra things to do this week (the last of one of them!) and was too busy to keep to a regular schedule. By not being in my studio in the morning, I didn't give a moment's thought to blogging.

My Minimal Shopping Ban details haven't changed or been amended in about a week and a half, so I think I'm ready to print them and make them official. It's been great to have a reason to turn down buying things. At work, someone brought in the amazing carry-all dohicky with extra expandable carry strap that she recommended we all get for ourselves, and I responded with a thank you, but no thanks: I'm doing a self-imposed shopping ban. No one batted an eye when I said that. And I don't have any need for an amazing carry all dohicky because I currently have a vast number of empty storage containers that are no longer "organizing" the stuff that used to be in them. Nor do I have all that stuff any more.

0017, 0018: Work, Work, Work

Work, work, work. And be a parent, a wife, a volunteer, and a volunteer for another organization, and sleep, and eat, and take showers, and work, pet the cats, and grocery shop. And all the other myriad things that make up a normal day.

And repeat.

016: Diaries

I started listening to David Sedaris's newest book, Theft by Finding: Diaries 1977-2002, yesterday afternoon. I was a little bored by the mundane stuff he was writing about, and appreciating what he does as an author to create stories rather than just publish selections from his diaries. I was also musing on keeping journals, and then sharing them. I only keep diaries are when I'm trying to claw my way out of a funk or make a tough decision, times when I'm needing to store less in my head and more on the page just to have the relief of it not all swirling and circling and rearing up little nasty thoughts constantly. And here I am, working through my own stress with this blog.

We also had a little backyard fire in the fire pit yesterday afternoon. My husband and I agreed it was time to let go of some things that don't really need to be with us any more. He burned a thick envelope full of love letters from a previous girlfriend (the one he broke up with when he met me, in fact). I had a about half a dozen journals full of various angsty times in the last 20 years that I've been working through funks and stress, none of which I've even cracked open since I wrote in them. The wind picked up so I wasn't able to burn mine, but it brings up an interesting point about this angsty funk being recorded digitally. How am I going to burn it when I get through it?

015: Decluttering Fatigue

Ugh. I hit a wall with this decluttering thing. Everything I've gotten rid of has been a celebration, mostly because everything so far has been the easy stuff. I have a couple of things that I tried to sell, but other people didn't value the stuff like I did, so I had to donate it in the end– an exercise that is valuable to go through. None of you value this stuff like I do? Maybe I'm over-valuing it. I've been working on getting rid of stuff for years, but recently picked it up again with the serious intention to do the hard stuff– the memorabilia, the things with sunk costs I haven't been able to quite move beyond, the projects I still think I want to finish. Every weekend for the last couple of months has been getting rid of stuff. I'm utterly overwhelmed with how much STUFF I have. Why, why, why? Whine, whine, whine. This overwhelm is why I'm getting rid of it. But wow, it's emotionally exhausting.

A couple of weeks ago I came across an article entitled something like, "Have we Reached Peak Declutter?" I didn't read the article at the time, and so I don't know what it was really about, but the title says a lot, and I've been thinking about it. When I first started getting rid of things in a serious way, all I could see were benefits. But I also know that this whole idea of minimalism is part of the come-and-go fads that overtake the media. Designers, professional organizers, home products, and the very "look" of recent publications have all been capitalizing on the conspicuous consumerism of what's billed as a decluttered look. As with all trends, the masses are apparently ready to move on.

Of course, there's also a lot of backlash against decluttering and minimalism. This is the top article when I googled "peak decluttering" and I can count myself and my family within that socioeconomic group who can afford to buy something again if we need to. I see the benefits of decluttering, but of course, I have the luxury of doing all this on the weekends because both my husband and I work weekday jobs that pay our bills, plus more. Minimalism is considered by many to be nothing more than another rich way to posture and purchase new, expensive, minimalist-styled housewares and furniture.

The thing is, in my mind, this getting rid of stuff is taking an honest look at what I've accumulated (because I have the money and luxury to accumulate), and live through the guilt and shame of all the conspicuous consumerism I've participated in over the years, and then not consume it all again. We're not looking to redecorate, put new fancy art on the walls, or even buy new dishes. We're keeping the cracked and chipped ones, just fewer of them. Rather than me storing broken things that I could fix and use again, I'm making the honest effort to not need that thing that is broken, and to not replace it.

If I were to die suddenly, my family would be forced to go through all my stuff. They would have no idea what was really, truly valuable to me, and what was ultimately just stuff. To any other person in the entire universe, my stuff is only just stuff. I'm keeping the important things. I'm just being clear on how to determine what is important, and only keeping the things that are valuable to me.

014: Sleeping In

In addition to sleeping so much better, I feel more able to be flexible. We had a great evening last night with friends and went to see "Book of Mormon" (soooooooo funny!!), but we got home late. The kids were at a friend's house sleeping over, so we had the luxury of sleeping in. There wasn't any pressure to work in my studio because I'm feeling like I'm slowly gaining more control and not so much is piling up.

013: Sleep

One of the celebration dances I'm doing every morning right now is for the return of sleep. I'm someone who hates to sleep in in the morning (hence creating an early Mornings in My Studio year-long challenge isn't a horrific task but a welcome one), and while I like to go to bed at night, there are times when I stay up because of social reasons (although recently I've been questioning which social reasons are the worthwhile ones). In between, there's sleep. Or, when stressed out, a serious lack of sleep. Since deciding to actively pursue change in my habits and choices, and to work to clear mental and physical space, I have finally been sleeping all night long. I think I've slept more in the last week and a half than I did the previous 4 months. It's been wonderful!

I suppose I could go on about this, but right now this is enough. Stress and unhappiness = lack of sleep; letting go = sleep.

012: Hell Yeah!

I have heard the phrase, "If it's not a HELL YEAH!, it's a NO!" in many different forms over the last year or so. Derek Sivers is one name that comes up as a favorite guru about this idea, and here's a little visual to go with the phrase, just to help it sink in. I think this is directly related to Marie Kondo's Spark of Joy (yesterday's post). If you don't have a strong feeling of "I want to do that!" then it's likely that from the beginning, it will be difficult to engage with and complete a project. I can imagine some would argue that there are plenty of events, projects, objects, and people we encounter with whom we don't immediately have a Spark, but that time and learning will teach us the value of that event, project, object, or person. Undoubtedly. And there are many instances in which we have no choice, and we still must work through the difficulties. Agreed. But understanding the choice we have in so much of all that we do allows us to actively decide "HELL YEAH!" or practice saying NO, and meaning it.

The funny thing is, I'm finding that there is sometimes very little difference between a Hell Yeah! and a No. In the process of saying Hell Yeah! to getting rid of lots and lots of crap, I'm also saying No, No, No! to the things that are going out the door or into the garbage, as in, "No! I don't want that stuff anymore!" And last week when I wrote a resignation letter for a volunteer board I serve on, it was a simultaneous "No! I don't want to do this anymore!" and a "Hell Yeah! this feels soooooooo good to do!"

010, 011: Decluttering is a Process

There has been movement afoot in the last few years that has focused on the magic of Decluttering. Decluttering will change your life! Throwing away your stuff will open doors to follow your passion! You’re wasting your life, your family, your money on all the crap you have. Get rid of it! By backing the dumpster up to the house, you’ll lose weight, get rich, and look gorgeous, all at the same time! Hallelujah! But this sounds way too good to be true…

Except I think it is true.

I first read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing at least 3 years ago, and it did magically reduce stress and make me feel a little less overwhelmed (and yes, I do sushi roll my clothes, including underwear, and I get a little thrill every time I open a drawer and can see everything all at once and in little rolls). I started with cleaning out my closet and was honestly appalled at the garbage bag of actual garbage (clothes, shoes and accessories that were too damaged to be donated but that I had held onto, probably out of guilt and knowing they were garbage) and 3 garbage bags of clothes and shoes that didn't spark joy that could be donated. I didn’t know I had stuffed so much into my closet– where had it all fit in? Just a couple of months ago, I went through my closet again, and while it was much better than the first time I decluttered, I was still able to weed out about 1/2 a garbage bag of clothes that were denotable, and 1/2 a bag of worn out things.

My Year of Minimal Shopping project has been encouraged by the recent cleaning out of my closet. Do I really need to have so much stuff that I can discard a whole garbage bag of it every couple of years? That seems like a lot. Clothing– with the exception of replacing worn out items– is on the No Shopping list for the next year. Hallelujah!

009: Mornings In My Studio

One of the reasons I'm doing this little bit of blogging is to process my thoughts around a couple of changes I'd like to make in the next year. I'm calling one project "Mornings in my Studio". I'm exceptionally fortunate to have my own studio, but due to overwhelm, avoidance, procrastination, and all the other everyday distractions, I've barely used it for much more than storage for the last two years. After 10 years at home with kids, I went back to a day job, and well, the studio has more or less languished ever since.

Every time I try to come in here to do something– anything– I have to clean first. But I'm not just picking up piles of things. Everything is a Silent To Do List of all the projects I've never gotten to, or the collections of supplies and tools to do a project that's waiting for one last thing, or (and perhaps this is the most important) I've just lost all interest in the project itself. I not only don't have the space prepared, I don't have the mental energy to deal with all of it.

Mornings in my Studio is meant to be dedicated time to do many things, including discard, donate, and throw away all the superfluous crap in order to make physical and emotional space to be creative. The parameters are simple: get up at 5:30 am in order to spend time in here for 30 minutes to an hour. I'm starting with creating the mental space by clearing the cluttered physical space. Which will take a while.

I've learned after a whole 9 days of doing this, though, that I don't want to dedicate any of that time in the morning to blogging about it, so the times when I will sit down to do this will be sporadic. Oh well.

007, 008: Cleaning Up

We had friends over last night for dinner, and I was the most relaxed about hosting that I've ever been. I had actually completely forgotten they were coming until late morning when I asked my husband what our plans were for the day. I had a moment of panic thinking, "Ack! We have to clean the house!!", but actually looking around, I realized it would be easy to do. We've eliminated so much clutter, and the kids keep most of their piles in their bedrooms anymore, so we were able to pick up and vacuum the living room and dining room in mere minutes. We didn't actually start doing anything active towards hosting until 2 hours before our friends were scheduled to arrive (they were late anyway), including grocery shopping, food prep, and cleaning. It was so great!

We went to bed later than usual, so I slept in this morning, which was also great. And it's Sunday, so I have time to spend in my studio anyway. Mornings, afternoons... however it works to actually be in here (every day so far this week!) is a good thing.

I started shopping this week with a list that I don't deviate from (unless it's to decide not to buy something) when I'm at the grocery store. Other than totally forgetting an important ingredient yesterday because it wasn't written on the list (luckily we don't live very far from the store so my husband went back), it's been working very well to not allow myself to impulse buy at the supermarket.

006: Lifestyle Experiments

I came across an article just a couple of days ago outlining the procedures for conducting your own Lifestyle Experiments. In it, the author says to limit the experiment to 30, 60, or 90 days. I'm sure it has to do with feeling successes, yet also having enough time to test out the proposed experiment. Before reading that, I was ready to jump into two year-long experiments– a Year of Minimal Shopping, and a Year of Mornings in My Studio. I'm about 10 months into my first real year-long experiment, and have had success with it, so while thinking about the experiments, I was fine with the time period I had chosen. 

Now, my little bubble has been popped because I'm wondering if that blogger is right. Maybe I'm aiming too high (long, I guess, since it's over time). I'm questioning my ability to complete these projects.

Five days into Minimal Shopping feels very, very right. I can already see and feel the benefits, although I haven't yet been faced with any real challenges. Each day with little successes makes me feel like I can handle the big ones, and I've been laying out the parameters of just what this year could look like.

I stumbled a bit this morning in my studio however, and wondered if I wanted to commit to a year of early mornings here. Or maybe because it's hard, I need to keep at it?

005: Abundance

"Abundance is a narrow window between scarcity and overabundance." -- David at Raptitude.

This is my Why for blogging here, for coming up with lifestyle experiments, for proactively working to change both my environment and my mental game: I have to come to terms with overabundance. How lucky am I? How lucky to be dealing with too much, rather than living a life of scarcity? The irony is that my overabundance (read: overwhelm) is causing, when I get right down to it, a clear level of scarcity. Not enough time to feel rested. Not enough time for my children. Not enough time to relax enough to get a good night's sleep. Not enough time to get out and enjoy nature. Not enough physical space to be creative because the mental space required to clean and maintain all my stuff makes my home the opposite of a refuge.

I feel invigorated finally acknowledging this, and spending my time changing this situation feels right to me.

I want to live with abundance.

004: The Value of a Ritual

I made it in here this morning at 6:00 am, so that was great. I got up at 5:30, which was my goal. I picked up a good book at the library yesterday, though, so I sat in the living room and read and had a cup of coffee first thing this morning, which is my usual ritual anyway. I have to think about how important it is for me to actually be doing something in my studio at 5:30 am, because sitting and reading and drinking coffee first thing in the morning has been a ritual for at least 15 years for me. Is it adding value to my day? Most of the time, yes. But I have definitely been guilty of using that "ritual" to avoid getting started in my day, or avoid doing a task that needs to be done. It's also my alone time since no one else is up yet in the house, and often, it's the only time I read during the day. If it's a good book, I'd rather get up in the morning and read than potentially stay up late reading if I have trouble putting down the book. Beginning each morning in a quiet, comfortable way usually helps set a gentle tone for the day for me, too.

So yes, at this analysis, reading first thing is a valuable ritual for me. Maybe I should move a comfy chair into my studio so I can read for the first half hour and drink coffee before doing things in the studio so that I can still be here, but can start the morning with the same ritual every day.

The book I was reading this morning: Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism by Fumio Sasaki. Even though the link is to Amazon, I got it at my library because I am not buying books as part of the minimal shopping year I'm developing - although actually, over the last several years, not buying books has become a priority so it's not so hard at this point anyway. Libraries are one of the best (or maybe the best?) institutions civilization has to offer, in my opinion.

003: Procrastination

I got sick overnight and missed my Mornings in the Studio date I had set with myself. The upside is I'm feeling a little better now and since I was home from work, I made sure to get some things done while I have the time here. I realized yesterday that I wanted to start yet another "Lifestyle Experiment" because I was doing some serious procrastination and avoidance of some commitments that I've made, ones that I no longer want to be a part of. Of course, that avoidance a couple of weeks ago resulted in me being unable to function for a couple of days because I was overcome with stress.

One of the things I just did was write a resignation letter for a volunteer board on which I'm currently serving. It's become too much to do and I'm missing out on important things like parenting and personal time. At lunch, my husband patiently walked me through why I need to do this, and named several things he has had to quit over the years, but all with positive results. And this reminder about sunk costs and opportunity costs helped too.

So, day 3 looks like this: I totally missed spending time in my studio this morning, but spent some valuable time later in my studio on my computer composing a resignation letter.

And it also looks like this: I started actually planning the parameters of a Year of No Shopping, and then went to Amazon and bought a new bathroom rug. Because I haven't committed yet and the old rug was totally worn out. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Day One and Day Two: Sitting. Thinking.

I'm searching for a year-long project of some sort, one that stretches me and that is achievable. Last week my husband and I listened to Cait Flander's The Year of Less: How I stopped Shopping, Gave Away my Belongings, and Discovered Life is Worth More Than Anything You Can Buy in a Store. The same day we finished it, we also listened to A.J. Jacob's  The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible, which was where our interests were when I was browsing the online audio library. And we were on a very long car trip, so yes, we were able to listen to many, many hours of two great books.

It seems auspicious to me that it all happened on April 1st, too. (Not all of both books- that would have required more hours awake than we were- just that it all came together on the 1st).  Flanders recapped each month with personal stats and a confidence rating completing the project. Jacobs blew a ram's horn to greet each new month. I sat on my ass through Idaho, Utah, Colorado and New Mexico, and thought about starting a project of my own.

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I invited my husband to join me, but realized this needs to be a personal project. So today I've got two I've settled on: 1. A Year of Minimal Shopping, and 2. A Year of Mornings in my Studio. I've started brainstorming the particulars, because one thing I have learned for sure about any project is that if it is way too vague, it is useless. I have explored the useless vague projects for a number of years now, as well as the more productive successful ones, and I have to have specific goals, measurable outcomes, and a way to track it all.

Why not include all the planning in the first few days of the project? And since I have this blog, I'll keep track of it here.