009: Mornings In My Studio

One of the reasons I'm doing this little bit of blogging is to process my thoughts around a couple of changes I'd like to make in the next year. I'm calling one project "Mornings in my Studio". I'm exceptionally fortunate to have my own studio, but due to overwhelm, avoidance, procrastination, and all the other everyday distractions, I've barely used it for much more than storage for the last two years. After 10 years at home with kids, I went back to a day job, and well, the studio has more or less languished ever since.

Every time I try to come in here to do something– anything– I have to clean first. But I'm not just picking up piles of things. Everything is a Silent To Do List of all the projects I've never gotten to, or the collections of supplies and tools to do a project that's waiting for one last thing, or (and perhaps this is the most important) I've just lost all interest in the project itself. I not only don't have the space prepared, I don't have the mental energy to deal with all of it.

Mornings in my Studio is meant to be dedicated time to do many things, including discard, donate, and throw away all the superfluous crap in order to make physical and emotional space to be creative. The parameters are simple: get up at 5:30 am in order to spend time in here for 30 minutes to an hour. I'm starting with creating the mental space by clearing the cluttered physical space. Which will take a while.

I've learned after a whole 9 days of doing this, though, that I don't want to dedicate any of that time in the morning to blogging about it, so the times when I will sit down to do this will be sporadic. Oh well.

007, 008: Cleaning Up

We had friends over last night for dinner, and I was the most relaxed about hosting that I've ever been. I had actually completely forgotten they were coming until late morning when I asked my husband what our plans were for the day. I had a moment of panic thinking, "Ack! We have to clean the house!!", but actually looking around, I realized it would be easy to do. We've eliminated so much clutter, and the kids keep most of their piles in their bedrooms anymore, so we were able to pick up and vacuum the living room and dining room in mere minutes. We didn't actually start doing anything active towards hosting until 2 hours before our friends were scheduled to arrive (they were late anyway), including grocery shopping, food prep, and cleaning. It was so great!

We went to bed later than usual, so I slept in this morning, which was also great. And it's Sunday, so I have time to spend in my studio anyway. Mornings, afternoons... however it works to actually be in here (every day so far this week!) is a good thing.

I started shopping this week with a list that I don't deviate from (unless it's to decide not to buy something) when I'm at the grocery store. Other than totally forgetting an important ingredient yesterday because it wasn't written on the list (luckily we don't live very far from the store so my husband went back), it's been working very well to not allow myself to impulse buy at the supermarket.

006: Lifestyle Experiments

I came across an article just a couple of days ago outlining the procedures for conducting your own Lifestyle Experiments. In it, the author says to limit the experiment to 30, 60, or 90 days. I'm sure it has to do with feeling successes, yet also having enough time to test out the proposed experiment. Before reading that, I was ready to jump into two year-long experiments– a Year of Minimal Shopping, and a Year of Mornings in My Studio. I'm about 10 months into my first real year-long experiment, and have had success with it, so while thinking about the experiments, I was fine with the time period I had chosen. 

Now, my little bubble has been popped because I'm wondering if that blogger is right. Maybe I'm aiming too high (long, I guess, since it's over time). I'm questioning my ability to complete these projects.

Five days into Minimal Shopping feels very, very right. I can already see and feel the benefits, although I haven't yet been faced with any real challenges. Each day with little successes makes me feel like I can handle the big ones, and I've been laying out the parameters of just what this year could look like.

I stumbled a bit this morning in my studio however, and wondered if I wanted to commit to a year of early mornings here. Or maybe because it's hard, I need to keep at it?

005: Abundance

"Abundance is a narrow window between scarcity and overabundance." -- David at Raptitude.

This is my Why for blogging here, for coming up with lifestyle experiments, for proactively working to change both my environment and my mental game: I have to come to terms with overabundance. How lucky am I? How lucky to be dealing with too much, rather than living a life of scarcity? The irony is that my overabundance (read: overwhelm) is causing, when I get right down to it, a clear level of scarcity. Not enough time to feel rested. Not enough time for my children. Not enough time to relax enough to get a good night's sleep. Not enough time to get out and enjoy nature. Not enough physical space to be creative because the mental space required to clean and maintain all my stuff makes my home the opposite of a refuge.

I feel invigorated finally acknowledging this, and spending my time changing this situation feels right to me.

I want to live with abundance.

004: The Value of a Ritual

I made it in here this morning at 6:00 am, so that was great. I got up at 5:30, which was my goal. I picked up a good book at the library yesterday, though, so I sat in the living room and read and had a cup of coffee first thing this morning, which is my usual ritual anyway. I have to think about how important it is for me to actually be doing something in my studio at 5:30 am, because sitting and reading and drinking coffee first thing in the morning has been a ritual for at least 15 years for me. Is it adding value to my day? Most of the time, yes. But I have definitely been guilty of using that "ritual" to avoid getting started in my day, or avoid doing a task that needs to be done. It's also my alone time since no one else is up yet in the house, and often, it's the only time I read during the day. If it's a good book, I'd rather get up in the morning and read than potentially stay up late reading if I have trouble putting down the book. Beginning each morning in a quiet, comfortable way usually helps set a gentle tone for the day for me, too.

So yes, at this analysis, reading first thing is a valuable ritual for me. Maybe I should move a comfy chair into my studio so I can read for the first half hour and drink coffee before doing things in the studio so that I can still be here, but can start the morning with the same ritual every day.

The book I was reading this morning: Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism by Fumio Sasaki. Even though the link is to Amazon, I got it at my library because I am not buying books as part of the minimal shopping year I'm developing - although actually, over the last several years, not buying books has become a priority so it's not so hard at this point anyway. Libraries are one of the best (or maybe the best?) institutions civilization has to offer, in my opinion.

003: Procrastination

I got sick overnight and missed my Mornings in the Studio date I had set with myself. The upside is I'm feeling a little better now and since I was home from work, I made sure to get some things done while I have the time here. I realized yesterday that I wanted to start yet another "Lifestyle Experiment" because I was doing some serious procrastination and avoidance of some commitments that I've made, ones that I no longer want to be a part of. Of course, that avoidance a couple of weeks ago resulted in me being unable to function for a couple of days because I was overcome with stress.

One of the things I just did was write a resignation letter for a volunteer board on which I'm currently serving. It's become too much to do and I'm missing out on important things like parenting and personal time. At lunch, my husband patiently walked me through why I need to do this, and named several things he has had to quit over the years, but all with positive results. And this reminder about sunk costs and opportunity costs helped too.

So, day 3 looks like this: I totally missed spending time in my studio this morning, but spent some valuable time later in my studio on my computer composing a resignation letter.

And it also looks like this: I started actually planning the parameters of a Year of No Shopping, and then went to Amazon and bought a new bathroom rug. Because I haven't committed yet and the old rug was totally worn out. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Day One and Day Two: Sitting. Thinking.

I'm searching for a year-long project of some sort, one that stretches me and that is achievable. Last week my husband and I listened to Cait Flander's The Year of Less: How I stopped Shopping, Gave Away my Belongings, and Discovered Life is Worth More Than Anything You Can Buy in a Store. The same day we finished it, we also listened to A.J. Jacob's  The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible, which was where our interests were when I was browsing the online audio library. And we were on a very long car trip, so yes, we were able to listen to many, many hours of two great books.

It seems auspicious to me that it all happened on April 1st, too. (Not all of both books- that would have required more hours awake than we were- just that it all came together on the 1st).  Flanders recapped each month with personal stats and a confidence rating completing the project. Jacobs blew a ram's horn to greet each new month. I sat on my ass through Idaho, Utah, Colorado and New Mexico, and thought about starting a project of my own.

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I invited my husband to join me, but realized this needs to be a personal project. So today I've got two I've settled on: 1. A Year of Minimal Shopping, and 2. A Year of Mornings in my Studio. I've started brainstorming the particulars, because one thing I have learned for sure about any project is that if it is way too vague, it is useless. I have explored the useless vague projects for a number of years now, as well as the more productive successful ones, and I have to have specific goals, measurable outcomes, and a way to track it all.

Why not include all the planning in the first few days of the project? And since I have this blog, I'll keep track of it here.