Magic Words

"I want some candy! Please."

"No."

"But I said the Magic Word!"

What a thought– that one word can change the outcome of a situation. Of course, she's right; often the addition of that magical of words can improve the situation. But does it actually make me more likely to follow through on a request, or a demand? Was I already headed for compliance before the Magic Word was added to the sentence? Certainly, I ask for and wait for politeness before I serve my kids snacks or help them with small tasks. You see, I feel like nothing more than a tool when something like the dexterity to dress small dolls, or taking apart Legos, or tying knots in dress up silks is demanded of me from the little people in my house. But perhaps that's just what I am– a tool to help them in their quests of play and imagination. Does that change my desire to be spoken to respectfully? Not at all. The Magic Word somehow makes me feel more human.

However... My 4-year daughter is trying out the idea that "please" unlocks all doors, without consideration of what that door might actually be. She and I have been going around and around about this for several weeks, and while I'm now hashing out some thoughts in a blog post, I'm not sure what new information she's gleaning from out interactions. I certainly hope she's learning appropriate situations in which to use the Magic Word– my hope is to teach her ways to treat people with respect– but maybe she's just thinking I'm a fickle tyrant who randomly chooses to grant requests based on some mysterious algorithm she can't fathom...

...instead of having good reasons for not granting her desire for candy as I'm putting dinner on the table.